只要我担任一份工作，我也患有精神疾病。但如果你是我的同事，你从来没有知道过。
13年前，我被诊断出患有抑郁症。我毕业于大学，12年前加入了劳动力。就像其他许多人一样，我根据一个深刻的真理生活，我不能，不应该谈论办公室的抑郁症。也许我通过观察我的父亲与重大抑郁症的斗争来学会了这一点，同时保持成功的法律职业生涯。或者也许它比我自己的个人经历更大 - 我们作为一个社会的东西并不确定如何应对。
Maybe it’s both.
Whatever the reasons, for most of my career, I hid my depression from my colleagues. When I was on at work, I was really on. I thrived off of the energy of doing well and felt safe within the borders of my professional persona. How could I be depressed when I was doing such important work? How could I feel anxious when I got yet another stellar performance review?
But I did. I felt anxious and sad almost half of the time I was at the office. Behind my boundless energy, perfectly organized projects, and gigantic smile, was a scared and exhausted shell of myself. I was terrified to let anyone down and was constantly overperforming. The weight of sadness would crush me during meetings and at my computer. Feeling the tears starting to fall yet again, I would run to the bathroom and cry, cry, cry. And then splash my face with icy cold water so that nobody would be able to tell. So many times I left the office feeling too exhausted to do anything more than fall into bed. And never — not once — did I tell my boss what I was going through.
而不是谈论我病的症状，我会说：“我很好。我今天累了。“Or,“I have a lot on my plate right now.”
“It’s just a headache. I’ll be OK.”
I didn’t know how to fuse Professional Amy with Depressed Amy. They seemed to be two opposing figures, and I became increasingly exhausted by the tension that existed within myself. Pretending is draining, especially when you do it for eight to 10 hours a day. I wasn’t fine, I wasn’t OK, but I didn’t think that I should tell anyone at work that I was struggling with a mental illness. What if my co-workers lost respect for me? What if I was considered crazy or unfit to do my job? What if my disclosure would limit future opportunities? I was equally desperate for help and terrified of the possible outcome of asking for it.
Everything changed for me in March 2014. I had been struggling for months after a medication change, and my depression and anxiety were spiraling out of control. Suddenly, my mental illness was so much bigger than something I could hide at work. Unable to stabilize, and fearing for my own safety, I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital for the first time in my life. Aside from how this decision would impact my family, I was obsessively worried about how it could harm my career. What would my colleagues think? I couldn’t imagine facing any of them ever again.
回顾那段时间，我现在可以看到我面临着一个主要的视角转变。我面临着前方的岩石道，从严重疾病中恢复并恢复稳定。近一年，我根本无法工作。隐藏完美的专业艾米，我无法处理抑郁症。我再也不能假装我很好，因为我显然不是。我被迫探索为什么我非常重视我的职业和声誉，甚至对自己的损害。
当我回去工作时，我觉得我再次开始。我需要慢慢采取东西，要求帮助，为自己建立健康的边界。
起初,我对te的前景吓坏了lling a new boss that I was struggling with depression and anxiety. Before the conversation, I read up on a few tips to help me feel more comfortable. These are the ones that worked for me:
- Do it in person. It was important to speak in person rather than over the phone, and definitely not over email.
- Choose a time that is right for you. I asked for a meeting when I was feeling relatively calm. It was better to disclose without sobbing or escalating my emotions.
- 知识就是力量。我分享了有关抑郁症的一些基本信息，包括我正在寻求疾病的专业帮助。我来了一个有组织的特定优先级列表，概述了我觉得我能够处理的任务以及我需要额外的支持。我没有分享个人详细信息，例如我的治疗师是谁或我正在服用的药物。
- Keep it professional. I expressed appreciation for my boss’ support and understanding, and I underscored that I still felt capable of performing my job. And I kept the conversation relatively short, refraining from sharing too much detail about the darkness of depression. I found that approaching the conversation in a professional and frank manner set the tone for a positive outcome.
As I rebuilt my life and made new choices, both at work and in my personal life, I learned a few things that I wish I had known from the onset of my career.
1.抑郁症是一种像其他疾病
精神疾病经常感觉更像是一个令人尴尬的个人问题，而不是合法的医学条件。我希望我可以通过尝试更努力地克服它。但是，就像你不愿意患上糖尿病或心脏状况如何，那种方法从未有效。我必须从根本上接受这种抑郁症是一种需要专业治疗的疾病。这不是我的错或我的选择。使这个视角改善更好地通知我现在如何处理工作抑郁症。有时我需要一个生病的一天。我放弃了责备和羞耻，开始更好地照顾自己。
我并不孤单地在工作中处理抑郁症
精神疾病可以隔离，我经常发现自己认为我是唯一一个挣扎的人。通过我的康复，我开始了解有关有多少人受到心理健康状况的影响。大约1 in 5 adultsin the United States are affected by mental illness every year. In fact, clinical depression is the
3.越来越多的雇主支持工作场所的情绪健康
Mental health stigma is a real thing, but there is growing understanding of how mental health can impact employees, especially at larger companies with human resources departments. Ask to see your employer’s personnel manual. These documents will tell you what you need to know about your rights and benefits.
For most of my career, I believed that I should tell nobody at all that I had depression. After my major episode, I felt like I needed to tell everyone. Today I have established a healthy middle ground at work. I’ve found a few people who I trust to talk to about how I am feeling. It is true that not everyone is comfortable talking about mental illness, and occasionally I will get an uninformed or hurtful comment. I have learned to shake these remarks off, because they are not a reflection of me. But having a few people I can confide in helps me feel less isolated and offers me critical support during the many hours I spend in the office.
我的开放创造了一个安全的地方，也可以为他们开放。我们一起打破了工作场所心理健康的耻辱。
Through a tremendous amount of hard work, courage, and self-exploration, Personal Amy has become Professional Amy. I am whole. The same woman who walks into the office each morning walks out of it at the end of the work day. I still sometimes worry about what my colleagues think about my mental illness, but when that thought comes up, I recognize it for what it is: a symptom of my depression and anxiety.
Over the first 10 years of my career, I expended a tremendous amount of energy trying to look good for other people. My biggest fear was that someone would figure it out and think less of me for having depression. I have learned to prioritize my own well-being over what somebody else might think about me. Instead of spending countless hours overachieving, obsessing, and pretending, I am putting that energy into leading an authentic life. Letting what I have done be good enough. Recognizing when I am getting overwhelmed. Asking for help. Saying no when I need to.
The bottom line is that being OK is more important to me than appearing to be OK.
艾米玛洛生活在抑郁症和广泛性的焦虑症，是作者蓝色浅蓝色, which was named one of ourBest Depression Blogs。Follow her on Twitter at@_bluelightblue_。