What do vibrators, iPhones, and toaster ovens have in common? You can turn them on with the push of a button. Your body, fam, isn’t on that list.

“主流电影和电视使它看起来像是自发的欲望 - 您突然或随机打开 - 是常态,”吉尔·麦克德维特(Jill McDevitt), CalExotics’ resident sexologist.

“And while it certainly happens — especially at the start of relationships — it’s not the只要way for good or healthy sex to start.”

In fact, most folks experience something called “responsive desire.”

“那是关于做爱的渴望的时候故意地她说:“使用性的身体或精神刺激,例如接吻,按摩,阅读情色或观看色情以使心情兴起。”

下面,有关有意扭转自己的技巧以及您的伴侣(如果有的话)。

认证的性教育者Alicia Sinclair说:“需要一点推动来使您的心情和伴侣强迫您不想做爱之间有很大的区别。”COTR,Inc。,制造商B-Vibe,Le Wand,和女牛仔.

“If one partner is saying ‘no’ or physically recoiling, it’s important to take those cues to stop seriously,” she says.

Failing to stop when your partner doesn’t enthusiasticallyconsent不是性。这是攻击。

如果您认为计划性的性爱是善行的对立面,请考虑一下当您的伴侣脱衣服时,在您的感觉愉悦的蕾丝,内裤或活页夹中会多么有趣,而不是日子大的拳击手或时期内裤。

安排每周的性爱日期

清除至少60 minutes in your calendar once a week for a reoccurring sex date.

“The key is to keep the commitment to explore your body and your partner’s body the way you’d keep a work call or hair appointment,” says sex educator Sarah Sloane, who’s been coaching sex toy classes atGood Vibrations愉快的胸部since 200l.

仅供参考,此技巧也适用于独奏。预定的手淫slaps.

倾向于渴望学习

计划a date to your local sex shop. Go see a live recording of Tina Horn’s “Why Are People Into That?!” podcast. Go to The Sex Museum. Attend an erotic storytelling event.

“In long-term sexual relationships, creating a sense of novelty and newness can be the difference between being turned on and feeling like you’re doing a chore,” says Sinclair.

One of the best ways to do this is to go to a sex-focused event and see what convos and interests arise after, she says.

Go on a sexy getaway

也称为假期……你发生性关系。

It’s not about putting pressure on yourself to get it on. It’s about spending quality time together, without the interruption of work/kids/pets/parents.

如果您最终会出现倾斜,那就太好了!其他人会洗润滑纸!如果没有,没有大的人,您仍然会从QT中受益。

重申:人体不会按按钮打开。那需要时间。

Explore wearable sex toys

Ideally, ones can come with a remote control.

“尝试让一个伴侣戴着振动器,例如锁定内裤预告片通过calexotics,您的伴侣可以通过遥控器来控制它。” McDevitt建议。

“回家后,积聚会让您跳到彼此的骨头。”

Sext!

想想H-O-T先行午时经会话could be. Before you’re going to see your partner, tell them exactly what you want to do to them.

Some lines to borrow:

  • “我等不及要沿着你的接缝舔……”
  • “我一直在思考您上周第一次遇到您时的样子……”
  • “Tonight I want to hear you moan my name into my mouth…”

以其他创造性的方式建立预期

Some suggestions from Sinclair:

  • Leave a sexy note for your partner.
  • Hang special lingerie in a place where your partner will see it.
  • 在上班前,他们的耳朵在耳朵上窃窃私语。
  • 一起购买新的束缚装备或性玩具(也许可以互相告诉彼此您想要使用它们!)。

您的性欲的敌人可能是您的第一代数:压力。通过以下技术削弱一些压力。

Yoga

Of courseyoga is on the list呢毕竟,这是减轻压力的做法。另外,朝下的狗是很棒的做法for doggy style

另一个选择:尝试密宗瑜伽,基本上是感性的瑜伽。

呼吸

TBH, you don’t know真的intimacyuntil you’ve matched your inhales and exhales with a boo’s inhales and exhales.

幽思

麦克德维特建议,在进行性交之前,要练习几分钟的冥想来清除思想。

“只是不要让自己的性生活成为减轻压力的目标,因为它会适得其反。她说:“我需要冥想,所以我的压力减轻,想要做爱”是一种更加压力自己的方式,”她说。著名的!

Take a shower or bath

肌肉放射热。您的皮肤上的肥皂感感官。裸体。是的,淋浴和浴缸非常适合打开。

目标不是在淋浴时做爱,只是为了减轻压力。但 (!)if one thing leads to another, don’t forget to use lube.

辛克莱说:“最好的性爱是性爱,在伴侣之间进行清晰,直接的沟通和开放性。”

“而且,如果您为伴侣而战,生气或沮丧,这可能会导致您围墙,这不是一个有益的心情或态度。”

Your move: Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more in order to resolve (and maybe even copulate).

Feeling angry, frustrated, or annoyed withyourselfcan also block your libido.

尝试journaling, talking through it with someone else (a friend, therapist, lover), or turning to your otherself-care practices.

“Your surroundings can sometimes be key to getting out of a bad mood and into a sexy one,” says Sinclair.

尝试清洁性空间,调光灯光,点燃您喜欢的蜡烛,播放一些柔和的音乐,制作壮阳食品盘子(或只是巧克力棒),或者打开您的Fav-O-Rite R级电影。

What do sex and games have in common? They’re both fun. Together it’s like fun x10.

No hands

你可以亲吻。就是这样!不得拉头发,乳头调整,手指戏弄,拔罐或打屁股。

The first person to use their hands and touch the other person loses.

您的举动:用牙齿,舌头和嘴唇咬,吮吸,亲吻和舔伴侣的嘴太愉快了they can’t help but to pull you into them.

(If you don’t think this is hot, you clearly haven’t seen everyone’s faveL字Carmen和Shane夫妇在第2季,第3集中扮演它。)

Roll the die

啊,性骰子 - 您可以找到在线的- 听起来可能很老套,但可能很热。

Roll the dice and let them tell you whether to bite, suck, lick, smack, or kiss your partners butt, clit, cock, or mouth.

如果您和您的伴侣进入Kink和BDSM,您可以尝试这款以纠结为中心的集合.

挑选一张卡,任何卡

然后,做告诉您的事情。从口交到背部按摩到手指吮吸和脸部坐着,性爱卡对于二重奏来说很有趣,他们心情兴起。抓住一套在线的.

你去,我去

“This exercise is all about playing Giver and then playing Receiver,” explains Sinclair.

首先设置计时器。在设定的一段时间内(例如30分钟),送礼者将在任何地方触摸接收器,但要从非性触摸开始。一旦时间到了,请切换。

她说:“这是一种专注于给予和获得乐趣的好方法,并在性爱开始之前传达感觉良好的方式。”

Instead of going from 0-to-O (that’s zero to orgasm), why not use your eyes and ears to set the mood?

探索音频色情

“Spoken erotica likeDipseaAurore是将幻想和想象力带入体验的有趣新方法。”辛克莱说。

Cue it up在您的手机上,可以从晚餐中返回,并用耳塞手中的一部。

Watch porn together

如果您或您的Boo喜欢在您的独奏时间观看视频,为什么不一起观看它们呢?对于一些超色情性,性阳性电影,请查看四腔或者Bellesa.

也很热:打开一部较长的色情片并翻转屏幕,以便您可以在背景中听到怒气,mo吟和me吟(CrashPadSerieshas some非常sexy moan-filled vids).

用言语疯狂

It should be no surprise that reading about people having sex can be hot. Pull a story up fromLiterotica或者Sugar Butch Chronicles和read it aloud to your boo.

Flip through a comic book

视觉学习者在前面!Sinclair说:“图形小说和漫画书,例如Fantagraphics,是探索您性行为的新部分的一种富有想象力和有趣的方式。”

It’s perfectly healthy and normal if it takes a little work to get in the mood for sex. There are, as is demonstrated above,plentyyyyof ways to do so.

Also, it’s OK if you can’t get in the mood! You should never feel pressured to have sex if you don’t want to.

您的生殖器和其他性感区域并不是“使用'em或失去'em'的情况 - 当您进入或有时间进入心情时,它们仍然会在您身边。


加布里埃尔·卡塞尔(Gabrielle Kassel)是一位基于纽约的性爱和健康作家和CrossFit 1级教练。她已经成为一个早起的人,经过200多个振动器的测试,并用木炭吃饭,喝醉并刷了 - 这都是新闻业的名义。在业余时间,她可以找到阅读自助书籍和浪漫小说,板凳压制或钢管舞。跟着她Instagram.