I felt driven by a need to understand how I got here in order to figure out how to move forward.
我的医生问我的第一件事是：“您是否要几个月来看看是否可以通过饮食和运动来管理？”她很了解我。我惊呆了。她等我说些什么，但我无法召唤回应。
我的医生继续说,“你的空腹血糖153 and your A1C is 7.1.” She paused. “You know what this means.”
的确。我确切地知道这是什么意思。这意味着我有2型糖尿病。
我精通这些实验室数字及其意思。作为退休certified professional midwife，我已经为许多孕妇提供了咨询妊娠糖尿病。我熟悉葡萄糖仪，，，，血糖水平，，，，diet diaries，，，，and all of the lifestyle changes this diagnosis would entail.
这意味着重大变化。这意味着要看着自己，并以不舒服，关键的方式接受真理。这意味着面对我患有慢性病的事实。
我挂了电话。我花了3天才告诉我的伴侣。
My go-to way of managing stressful situations is to research. As soon as I got off the phone with my doctor, l retreated to my office, where I could do a deep dive into type 2 diabetes.
I stopped by my pharmacy to purchase a glucometer,lancets，，，，and测试条。Making my finger bleed multiple times a day to test my blood sugars made it feel very real, very fast.
I felt driven by a need to understand how I got here in order to figure out how to move forward.
像许多其他人一样大流行期间体重增加。几个月来，我做的事情没有太多，但是从床到厨房到电脑。我什至停止walking狗，而是开始开车去狗公园，在那里我可以在那里品尝与其他人类的社交距离。
Over time, I began eating more pasta, more bread. Comfort foods were something to bring a little light during a bleak time. After dinner, I did not shy away from the delights of巧克力，在小爆发中晒太阳endorphins。Like millions across the globe, I coped. I cocooned. Then I stayed that way for 15 months.
With afamily historyof diabetes andheart disease，也许我应该更了解。但是我真的只是不认为糖尿病会潜入门。就在5年前，我参加了5K比赛。即使就在几周前，我和我的伴侣都在评论我们的身体健康。
在大流行期间被诊断出患有2型糖尿病的情况下，我似乎并不孤单。
研究人员仍在制表和跟踪，但现在numbers表明小儿糖尿病病例在COVID-19大流行期间增加了一倍。是否还不知道成人是否有相应的增长，但是广泛认识到许多像我这样的人delayed meeting with our caregivers during the pandemic。
因为我推迟了两年的检查，所以我不知道我可能已经生活多久了。
我的年龄也在参与其中。57岁，我在prime age groupfor being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. While I understand that my body and mind will shift as I age, I am still accepting this sudden lurch into living with a chronic condition. This is a disease I will manage until my death. That idea is sobering.
我的体重在这方面发挥了作用。原来，体重通常是更大的预测指标than genetics about who will be diagnosed with diabetes. I am carrying around about 60 pounds too many, and it may have made me more susceptible to type 2 diabetes.
Excess fat in the body also affects the production of胰岛素and how it’s used. The good news is that if I can lose
What no one talks about is the emotional work of having diabetes.
我仍然没有告诉我的儿子关于我的诊断，因为告诉他们这是真实的。我知道我的消息会让他们担心。我还会告诉他们，这可能会使他们一生中患2型糖尿病的风险更大。
I will feel their eyes on me, willing me to poke my fingertips multiple times a day, willing to be deeply dedicated to the management it requires.
There’s a part of me that feels angry, too. Why is this happening to me?
我感到羞耻。还是内gui？许多患有2型糖尿病的人对自己的健康感到羞耻和内gui。每天，我都认为这是个人失败的想法。
我知道，虽然原因尚未完全理解，但遗传可能性和环境因素的某种结合通常会导致2型糖尿病诊断。饮食，运动和压力是其中的一部分，但这只是运气。
我不会浪费更多的带宽感觉。我不会深入研究我们的家族史，试图将我的命运归咎于遗传学。我将尝试专注于可以控制的内容。
It has still only been a few weeks and already I’m making some changes.
In the kitchen, I found the food scale and pulled out the measuring cups. Just having it on the counter has been an effective reminder to work on portion sizes.
I’ve filled the fridge with theusually recommended items: green vegetables, lean meats, low glycemic fruits, and a few diet sodas in case I get a terrible longing for something sweet.
I put together a new playlist for the many hours of walking ahead of me, and I had a talk with the dog, who is quite pleased with this particular lifestyle improvement.
I’m also allowing myself to get a little excited. I remember what it feels like to be in better shape, what it feels like to get moving for a few miles with the dog every morning.
I’m tracking my blood sugar numbers, just trying to find patterns and identify foods that trigger me. I will miss ciabatta bread, but I’m remembering how much I love sweet potatoes.
Small steps. I know that I’m going to have days when I won’t walk a mile, and I’m certainly having a slice of pie during the holidays. I know that this cannot be an all-or-nothing situation.
我会允许自己进行更改，因为即使不完美的更改也是正确方向的步骤。
What I’m wondering about now is healing from the diagnosis. It’s work. the burden of being a diabetic in a world that doesn’t always understand what it’s like is not insignificant. The emotional weight is work.
我知道未来有很大的变化。我正在与我的身体，食物以及医生建立新的关系。我不会说我很高兴，但我很感激。我有很大的机会检查这种疾病，然后才会损害我的神经，眼睛或肾脏。
我已经接受了我必须学习新舞蹈。
Jana Studelskais a writer and editor located in Minnesota. She is a retired certified professional midwife who continues to teach in both pediatrics and writing. When she’s not off the grid at her cabin, she lives in St. Paul with a good man and two animals.