For many of us growing up, sexual education was pretty abysmal — especially if you went to school in the U.S.
如果你在美国上学，你可能会教怎么说no性。也许你得到的粗略的知识the pubescent body, but often little else. According to one
And while the teen pregnancy rate was at a record low in 2015, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
As it turns out, more than half of American schoolkids may be missing out on sex ed altogether, as only24 states哥伦比亚特区要求他们的公立学校教授它。三十五个州和D.C.让父母选择他们的孩子出于性爱。所以，它真的恳求问题：你可能是一大体的成长，甚至可能是父母，但是多少做你真的知道性别吗？
Read on to learn 12 things you probably didn’t learn in sex ed but you really need to know.
You may have learned that, technically speaking, sex involves penile-vaginal penetration. But that’s barely scratching the surface. There are various forms of sexual acts that don’t fall under the “penetrative sex” umbrella. This includes:
- 口交
- anal sex
- 手淫（独奏或互相）
- hand or finger jobs
- 与玩具（有或没有渗透）性
- BDSM
- and much more!
Some people even include kissing as a part of their definition! But in order to partake in other sexual acts (or not), it’s important to know how else sex can be defined. This is a critical part of being comfortable with it or comfortable with saying no to it.
Formal sex education usually covers the basics of male anatomy: the penis, the testicles. But hold up — what about the women?! While sex ed may touch on the ovaries, you’ll learn very little about the vagina, clitoris, vulva, anus, breasts and nipples, or other sexual areas.
我有这些身体部位。我甚至没有知道的区别阴道和外阴until I became a sex educator. And I’m not alone.
其中一部分是因为重点是生殖教育与实际性教育。但缺乏对女性生殖器的研究直到90年代末也是一个巨大的贡献因素。
And speaking of female genitalia …
The clitoris is huge and runs from the vulva’s opening to the vagina. When most people think of the clitoris, though, they think of the clitoral glans — the pea-sized “little hill.”
信不信由你,阴蒂与阴茎one and the same in fetuses until they differentiate to female or male sex organs. The majority of the nerve endings found in the very sensitive head of the penis wind up concentrated in the clitoris. This tiny part of the female body has over 8,000 nerve endings.
根据2016年的调查，1 in 3 womensay they can’t orgasm during intercourse unless they receive some direct clitoral stimulation. (I hope you’re taking notes!)
In school and elsewhere, it’s often taught that there’s a linear progression during sex with orgasm being the end goal. In reality, the sexual progression is more cyclical or, at least, non-linear.
Basson’s non-linear model kept women in mind, promoting the gender ideal that all women are into sex for closeness or an emotional bond more than just an orgasm. There are plenty of people of all genders for whom that rings true.
Masturbation can be really fun! According to an面试in Huffington Post with Dr. Lauren Streicher, an Associate Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology at Northwestern University, it can be good for your health! She says it can potentially help you sleep, relieve pain, and reduce stress, among other things. And研究shows masturbating offers other potential health benefits for guys, too.
手淫的最大特权之一是学习你喜欢的东西，不喜欢性。当你自己探索你的性行为时，它会让这些东西传达给伴侣很容易。
First things first: There’s nothing wrong with watching porn. If that’s your thing, you do you.
The problem is when there’s nothing to counteract the unrealistic expectations of sex people get from porn. For example, someone inexperienced in the act might believe you don’t need lubrication for anal sex because they don’t use it in porn, or that sex is应该伤害。不正确和不正确。
购买这些看法对所有参与者的每个人都变得危险和有害。故事的寓意：色情不是现实，所以不要把它带入现实世界。
女性认为性别应该受伤或不舒服是不是异常。当我们在学校教育时，我们被告知失去了童贞的伤害。再次，并不总是真的 - 这取决于你是谁。
Pain during sexual activity is usually a sign that something isn’t right — unless you’re intentionally inflicting it through a sexual act you’vebothgiven consent on! It could be due to a health condition, a lack of lubrication, a position, or a number of other things.
Make sure you troubleshoot this by communicating with your partner so you can both enjoy what’s going on. If that doesn’t work, speak with your doctor or visit an education-based sex shop for help.
Sex toys and tools can be amazing additions in the bedroom. Vibrators are often a great first step intotoys。和夫妻的振动器确实存在！甚至还有一个叫做的整个领域teledildonicsthat’s pioneering toys that’ll respond to external stimuli (like porn) or can be paired with a long-distance partner’s toy!
The sex furniture industry has grown a lot, too. From the救星to theIntimateRider那you’re sure to find tools to help make sex accessible, comfortable, and fun.
确保你正在利用身体安全玩具而不是新奇的。一些安全和令人敬畏的公司包括筋疲力尽那Fun Factory那and坦塔。
如果是性教育者教anything关于性别认同或性取向，很可能他们错误地说这两个人已连接。
Sexual orientation is about who you generally find sexually attractive. Affectional orientation, another factor sex ed probably didn’t teach, is who you fall in love with — which can be totally different.
相反，性别认同就是一个人认为他们的性别是什么，并且可以与出生分配给他们的人不同。性别表达是该人可能（或可能不会）如何通过服装，配件，举水等来展示其性别。
There are many kinds ofbirth control，从补丁和药丸到避孕套，隔膜，和更多。One thing that’s rarely taught, though, is that some kinds of birth control aren’t great for some people.
The patch, for example, isn’t as effective if a person weighs more than 200 pounds. And evidencesuggests服用各种避孕药的人对偏头痛的人有风险。即使有些避孕套也可能引起刺激！
Long story short, check with your doctor before making any changes in your birth control techniques if your current methods aren’t working for you.
Douching, shaving your pubic hair, and using the wrong sexual products canvery negatively affect你的身体。vaginas具有天然的pH水平以及有助于保持健康的细菌。当你洗掉或以其他方式伤害这些东西时，它可能会导致问题尿路感染（UTI）-as well as make you more susceptible tosexually transmitted infections (STIs)。
STI的症状可能是不同的in menandwomen。It doesn’t matter who you sleep with, either. Infections don’t care what genitalia you have or whose genitalia you might be involved with.
There’s good news, though — the most common STIs, likegonorrhea那衣原体那HPV.那andgenital herpes那are all treatable. The key is getting tested regularly. You can define what regularly is to you, depending on your sexual and relationship habits. But get it done if you’re sexually active!
I wish I could say we’re getting better as a society on teaching and understanding consent. Unfortunately, with the number of sexual assaults that still occur, it’s clear we don’t. And according to Affirmative Consent, a nonprofit combating sexual assault on and off college campuses, only a少数美国国家have laws in place that require affirmative consent in high schools or colleges.
If you’re still unclear on how consent works: Unless you receive a clear “yes” without it being coerced, you do not have consent. Giving consent for one activity or time doesn’t mean consent foreverytime. For further reading on the topic, I really enjoyedNafisa ahmed的way of teaching her followers about consent.
One of the biggest complaints about high school in general is that it didn’t prepare us for “actual” life. I learned how to balance a checkbook by getting an overdraft fee after a late-night Taco Bell trip, but could do complex chemistry equations I don’t use as a sexuality educator.
The same can be said of sex vs. relationships.
We learned about一些性别的机制或一些sexual anatomy in school. We didn’t learn how to communicate pain, handle arguments, or identify signs that our partners might be abusive.
我不认为爱可以被教导。但是借助更有效和安全的关系的技能 - 沟通，同理心和健康的边界等技能 - 都可以。我应该是这些事情的专家，但我也从未教过他们。事实上，我是仍在挣扎与所有三个人一起！
我们都可以更多地了解有关如何沟通的更多信息，向我们的人类提供同理心，并设置更清晰的边界。六月是adult sex ed month那and it’s the perfect time to take stock of what we know (or don’t), what we like (or don’t), and what we really, truly understand about S-E-X.
那么，你希望你在性爱中学到了什么？
Kirsten Schultz.is a writer from Wisconsin who challenges sexual and gender norms. Through her work as a chronic illness and disability activist, she has a reputation for tearing down barriers while mindfully causing constructive trouble. Kirsten recently founded Chronic Sex, which openly discusses how illness and disability affect our relationships with ourselves and others, including — you guessed it — sex! You can learn more about Kirsten and Chronic Sex atchronicsex.org并跟随她@chronicsex.。