如果你是父母，你知道有时候情绪会得到你最好的。以某种方式孩子们真的可以推动你不认识的按钮。在你知道之前，你从肺部的顶部嘶嘶作响。
You’re not alone in doing that, and your feelings of parental frustration are normal. The good news is that you can change the way you talk to your children, switching from a yelling monologue to a respectful dialogue.
The short answer is because we feel overwhelmed or angry, which makes us raise our voices. But that rarely solves the situation. It may quiet the children and make them obedient for a short while, but it won’t make them correct their behavior or their attitudes.
In short, it teaches them to fear you rather than understand their consequences of their actions.
孩子们依靠他们的父母学习。如果愤怒和相关的侵略像喊叫这样的是孩子在家庭中被认为是“正常”的一部分，他们的行为将反映这一点。
Author and parent educator Laura Markham, Ph.D.,有一个简单的信息：您作为父母的一份工作，保证您孩子的安全后，是为了管理自己的情绪。
If you’ve ever been yelled at, you know that a loud voice does not make the message clearer. Your children are no different. Shouting will make them tune out and discipline will be harder, since each time you raise your voice lowers their receptivity.
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另一方面，平静，令人放心，这让孩子感到被爱，尽管行为不好。
如果对儿童大吼大叫不是一件好事，那么口头削弱和侮辱的叫喊可以被称为情绪虐待。已被证明具有长期影响，如焦虑，低自尊，增加侵略。
It also makes children more susceptible to bullying since their understanding of healthy boundaries and self-respect are skewed.
对父母有强烈情绪联系的儿童更容易纪律。当孩子们感到安全无条件无条件的喜爱时，他们将更接受对话并在冲突升级到愤怒的大喊话之前进行对话和倾听。
Here’s how you can practice positive discipline that doesn’t involve yelling.
1. Give yourself a timeout
Catch yourself before getting so angry that you lose control and raise your voice. By stepping away from the conflict zone for a few moments, you give yourself a chance to reassess and breathe deeply, which will help you calm down.
它还教你的孩子关于边界，并以健康的方式管理强烈情绪。
2. Talk about emotions
Anger is a normal feeling one can learn from if managed properly. By acknowledging all emotions, from joy and excitement to sadness, anger, jealousy, and frustration, you’re teaching your children that they are all part of our human repertoire.
谈谈你的感受和鼓励你的孩子也这样做。它将有助于他们对自我和他人的尊重，形成生活中的健康关系。
3. Address bad behavior calmly, but firmly
孩子偶尔行为不当。这是成长的一部分。以坚定的方式与他们谈谈，使其尊严完整地留下了，但明确了某些行为不容忍。
Get down to their eye level rather than speaking to them from high up or from far away. At the same time, remember to acknowledge respectful behavior and problem solving among themselves.
4.使用后果，但留出威胁
According to芭芭拉彩虹色，“孩子们值得的作者”！“使用威胁和惩罚创造了更多的愤怒情绪，怨恨和冲突。从长远来看，他们阻止你的孩子发展内部学科。
Threats and punishment humiliate and shame children, making them feel insecure. On the other hand, consequences that address a particular behavior but come with fair warning (like taking a toy away after explaining that toys are for playing, not for hitting) help children make better choices.
关于基本需求的一句话
具有基本需求，如睡眠和饥饿，让孩子们幸福，并为整体而言更好。此外，建立惯例将有助于他们不那么焦虑并降低表演的风险。
No matter how good your yelling prevention strategy is, sometimes you will raise your voice. That’s OK. Own up to it and apologize, and your children will learn an important lesson: We all make mistakes and we need to apologize.
If your children yell, remind them of boundaries and how shouting is not an acceptable way of communication. They need to know you are ready to listen as long as they show respect.
Model the same by allowing yourself time to cool off your engines before talking to your children when you are upset or overwhelmed.
您将帮助他们创建终身习惯，使冲突管理更容易。这将教导你的孩子了解错误，他们和其他人的理解，宽恕是一个重要的家庭健康沟通的重要工具。
If so far you have relied on yelling to discipline your children, you are probably seeing the effects of it:
- Your children might rely on yelling to get their messages across to each other.
- 他们谈论甚至对你大喊大叫，而不是恭敬地谈论。
- Your relationship with them is unstable and volatile to the point of not being able to communicate in a healthy way.
- They may pull away from you and become more influenced by their peers than you.
You can change all that. Start by having a candid talk with your children about the wrongness of yelling and why manifesting your anger that way is not healthy.
Make your home a calm environment where people communicate with respect and acknowledge each other’s feelings without blaming, shaming, or judging. An outspoken commitment keeps the dialogue open and keeps everyone in the family accountable.
如果你犯错误，不要放弃。这不是一条简单的道路，但它是一切努力。
If your anger is often spilling onto your children and you have trouble controlling your temper on a regular basis, recognizing that you have a problem is the first step toward learning to manage it.
This will help you feel better about yourself and communicate in a calm and loving way with your children.
根据这一点美国婚姻与家庭治疗协会, some of the signs that point to an anger problems include:
- getting inappropriately angry over seemingly minor issues
- 经历与高血压，胃痛或焦虑等血压等压力相关的症状
- 在愤怒的剧集后感到内疚和悲伤，但经常看到模式重复
- engaging in conflicts with other people instead of having respectful dialogues
A therapist can help you develop ways to keep calm and prevent outbursts and also help you mend the damaging effects of anger on your relationship with your loved ones.