Rarely do our feelings hang neatly on fancy, perfectly spaced hangers. Instead — like our closets — we often hold a jumble of both new and outdated emotions.
But you can organize your feelings and deal with or discard ones that aren’t serving you, a la Marie Kondo. Sift through your emotions regularly to slay anxiety, stress, or frustration.
这是如何优化您的感受以开始赢得人生胜利的方法。
If we don’t take stock of our emotions or why we’re feeling them, they’ll likely continue to stuff our minds — even when they’re not necessary. That could have negative consequences for our success, health, and relationships.
If you’ve ever ran a red light while thinking about that fight you had with your significant other, you’re not alone.Studies表明我们的情绪会影响我们的逻辑和执行任务的能力。
当我们感到焦虑或压力时，我们也更有可能self-medicate酒精，毒品或垃圾食品。当麻木效果消失时，这些都会产生负面结果。
Plus,studiesshow that the more emotionally intelligent we are, the better our romantic relationships will be — and that can likely be said for friendships and connections with family, too.
And we know how important thatinner circleor support network is to our well-being.
Organizing your feelings involves a light version ofcognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)that you can do on your own or with the help of a therapist. It can really help you grow as a person.
“Skipping over the nuts and bolts of CBT, the basic premise is that our thoughts influence our feelings, which then influence our actions,” saysCarolyn Robistow，是德克萨斯州伍德兰兹的Joy Effect咨询的执照专业顾问和创始人。
“An unhealthy thought, or being stuck in an unhealthy thought pattern, can lead to actions that just make the problem worse or keep us stuck in the same types of situations, basically spinning our wheels.”
The first step to organizing your feelings is to list your problems or worries.
That might sound like a negative thing to do, but sometimes just writing them down will ease anxiety, says a
“Identifying the underlying thought or belief, evaluating it for its helpfulness and truth, and then changing it if it’s not serving us well can be incredibly powerful,” Robistow explains.
如何确定使您不安的核心情感
列出您的担忧或问题，并分配所附的情绪，思想和信念。如果您不确定这些想法是什么，Robistow推荐一个“那意味着什么？”锻炼。
The “So what” exercise example:
问题：Everyone expects me to rearrange my schedule to fit theirs.
Feelings or emotions:愤怒，怨恨，伤害
| Ask: | Answer (to find your underlying belief): |
|---|---|
| 所以呢？ | So they think what they have going on is more important than what I have going on. |
| 所以呢？ | 因此，他们甚至不考虑这使我不便。 |
| 所以呢？ | So if I want to see them or be part of the event, I just have to suck it up. |
| 那是什么意思？ | It means that if I don’t make the effort, I’ll never get to spend time with them… |
Possible conclusion:…which means that I’ll be all alone, and they’ll eventually forget about me. I’m afraid I’m forgettable, or they don’t care about me.
The meaning we uncover in the exercise might feel brutal. But that’s when the true work of CBT, or organizing your feelings, comes into play.
“寻找例外，”罗比斯托说。“问问自己，‘真的是真的吗？还是我可以找到与这种信念相矛盾的证据？”
在提供的示例中，该人可能会想到其他人竭尽所能看到他们或在闲逛后表达爆炸的时代。他们会知道他们得出的结论是错误的。
Sometimes you have to decide if a feeling is necessary or if it’s just operating a gaming controller in your brain.
记住,我们的情感驱动我们的行为。我们把握现在ld check in with our emotions often because they can quickly become exaggerated. This eventually creates barriers to the goals we want to achieve and the people we want to be close to.
If you’re feeling negative, you could be experiencing a cognitive distortion.In short, that’s your brain telling you a lie based on old thought patterns.
Is your mind lying to you?例如，如果您对自己的日期感到紧张，则可能会喝太多。但是，也许您正在为以前的糟糕约会而感到紧张。这可能会导致充满焦虑的日期的链条反应，使您认为自己需要变得很贴切才能成为一个好约会（或者没人对您清醒）。
If we’re aware of the reasons behind our actions — and have a better understanding of our emotions — we can change our patterns. We can stop stress, worry, or frustration from taking over and making us behave in a way we’d like to avoid.
Here are common thought patterns that can negatively affect how we approach situations:
| Distortion | 概念 |
|---|---|
| 全有或全无的思维 | There’s no middle ground. Anything short of perfection is failure. |
| 过度概括 | 坏事的一个实例意味着它将继续发生。 |
| 精神过滤 | You filter out all the positive and focus on the negative of a situation. |
| Jumping to conclusions | You assume how someone feels toward you or assume negative outcomes about future events. |
| Magnification or minimization | 您将一个小错误变成了巨大的想法，或者打折您的积极素质。 |
| 情绪推理 | 您假设，如果您对某事感到负面情绪，那一定是有关情况的真相。 |
| “Should” statements | 您使用“应该”或“不应该”的陈述来使自己或他人付诸行动。 |
| Blame | You blame yourself for things you had no control over or blame others wholly for negative situations. |
Create lasting behavioral changes and make them stick
识别patte扭曲的思维或行为rn that’s messing with your life is the first step.
一旦认识到它，就可以更容易地替换它。这可能比换掉一个老旧的连帽衫要困难，但是您建造的正念可能是有史以来最舒适的变化。
“写下您要更改的动作，然后向后工作以确定触发的操作。”劳伦·里尼（Lauren Rigney），位于曼哈顿的心理健康顾问和教练。
“Once you learn your triggers, you will have a better chance to intervene and change the thought or behavior.”
Rigney recommends making a journal ritual to stay motivated.
她说：“如果您是一个早起的人，每天早上花10分钟来回顾您的进度。”
“如果您在前一天写下一种情况，请花点时间完成日记。如果您是夜猫子，那将是将其纳入您的日程安排的好时机。”
Questions to help you keep track
- 发生了什么？
- 什么是扳机或事件？
- What emotion did you feel?
- 您的确切想法是什么？
- How did you react?
- Could you, your thoughts, or your behaviors have been different? (Weigh the facts of the situation from a calmer mindset and determine what was unhealthy for you.)
- 您如何为未来创造新的思想或行为？
You can even do it on the go withan app。Rigney建议，在您的应用商店中搜索“ CBT日记”或“思想日记”。
If you try at-home techniques and grow frustrated with the process, or you’re facing an urgent situation, don’t hesitate to seek help from a licensed mental health professional.
“Many issues that we believe are simple are actually quite complicated and confusing,” Rigney says.
“如果您遇到困难，那是因为进行这些更改是困难的。这就是为什么专业人士在周围的原因。获得帮助改变不必要的模式可能是非常有益的。”
You should seek help immediately if you feel your thoughts or behaviors are destructive or dangerous to yourself or others. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, help is available. Reach out to theNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
请记住，组织自己的感觉并不是旨在使您的情绪无效的工具。这是一种更加注意为什么您会经历它们并提醒您任何潜在障碍的方法。
Rigney说：“我们所有人都有许多独特的情绪，即使它们大而大胆，也不会引起我们自己或他人的问题。”“这些情绪不需要重大的返工。”
In keeping with our closet analogy, if you’ve got a nice dose of calm, joy, or confidence hanging in your mind, think of that as some classic denim you’ll want to hold on to.
詹妮弗·切萨克（Jennifer Chesak）是一位位于纳什维尔的自由书编辑和写作讲师。她也是几个国家出版物的冒险旅行，健身和卫生作家。她从西北的Medill赢得了新闻学硕士学位，并正在制作她的第一本小说小说，该小说位于北达科他州。