沮丧and relationships
Mental illness, includingdepression, is something every person must face and manage in their own way. But it also impacts relationships with friends, family — and particularly partners.
Those closest to someone living with depression can be a huge source of love, comfort, and support. But they can often feel enormous pressure.
Couples face a higher chance of divorce when one or both partners has a mental health condition. A
But there’s also good news. That difference isn’t generally the result of fault on the part of either partner. Rather, it comes from how they interact and communicate, and how both partners approach the symptoms of the illness. This means there’s a lot you can do to help your relationship beat the odds.
Karen Letofsky has worked in mental health focusing on suicide prevention for over 40 years, she was even granted Canada’s highest civilian honor for her efforts. Julie Fast has bipolar disorder, and has spent her life coaching and writing in the field, including releasing the bestselling book “Taking Charge of Bipolar Disorder.”
我们采访了两者，以获取有关这个具有挑战性和重要主题的建议。
Both agree that communication, empathy, and understanding are the keys to having any successful relationship, and especially important when one or both partners are living with a mental illness.
凯伦（Karen）和朱莉（Julie）都提出了一些出色的问题，以帮助您和您的伴侣开始这一漫长而挑战性，但最终是快乐而有意义的旅程。一起。
这些不是“诊断”的问题，无论您的伴侣是否患有抑郁，焦虑，双相或相关疾病。这对你们俩都可以在心理健康专业人员的帮助下找到。
相反，这些问题旨在帮助您确定伴侣的症状是否占上风：
- 您的睡眠比平常的睡眠更多吗？
- 您的饮食量超过平常吗？
- Are you tasting your food when you eat?
- 无论您睡多少睡觉，您都会感到疲倦吗？
- 您现在有能力享受事物吗？
- 您很难进行个人修饰吗？
- 您有自己的死亡吗？
卡伦提醒我们，简单地“感觉”和体验之间存在区别symptoms of clinical depression。These questions help determine which is happening.
朱莉说，作为合伙人，您可能已经知道这些问题的答案，但是asking them帮助您的伴侣感到受人尊敬，并为他们提供代理。
It can be tempting to just do things for your partner when they’re in a depressive state, because one symptom of depression is缺乏动力。但是朱莉快速警告说，这可能是一个错误，而是导致他们的无助和依赖感增加了。
凯伦和朱莉提出这些问题tions to help your partner find their own way through their symptoms, with you there by their side:
- 上次您这样沮丧的时候有什么帮助？
- What do we need to do as a team to get through this rotten downswing?
- 我为您提供帮助的最佳方法是什么？
- How are you doing with your medications? Are you feeling any difference?
- Who can we call to help us get through this tough time?
- What do you need from me?
- 哪些更改可以帮助您现在感觉好些？
两位专家还强调使用协作语言来帮助您的伴侣感到支持。避免对伴侣承担责任或全部责任，但也避免承担所有代理或对自己的责任。
Self-education and自我护理are both vital to successfully helping care for and foster a healthy relationship with a partner living with depression.
Julie believes this so strongly she wrote “Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder,” a book entirely about that topic.
全国精神疾病联盟提醒护理人员，您必须首先要照顾好自己，才能照顾自己所爱的人。为了成功地做到这一点，这里有一些问题要私下问自己：
- 您每天晚上睡7到9个小时之间吗？
- Are you drinking or using drugs to cope with the stress?
- 你每天锻炼吗？
- 你吃得好吗？
- Are you experiencing physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia, or digestive issues?
- Do you have people you can talk to who understand what you’re going through?
- 您在哪里可以找到资源来帮助您？
Karen likens it to the oxygen mask that will drop from the ceiling of an airplane in the “unlikely event of losing cabin pressure.” Any parent would have the impulse to put it on their children first, but that usually results in the parent losing consciousness before they save the child. Both people suffer.
Put your oxygen mask on first, so you can best help your partner with this challenging situation.
Both Karen and Julie are emphatic that partners should avoid any questions or comments intended to “cheer up” somebody in a depressive state. Equally important, never ask questions that may feel as if you’re blaming your partner for being ill.
For example:
- Don’t you see how lucky you are?
- 你为什么要做这么大的交易从小型呢l thing?
- 你现在感觉好些了？
- What’s the matter with you?
- 您必须沮丧什么？
尽管有时它与只是“在垃圾箱中”或“压力”的人配合使用，但您绝不应该试图使您的沮丧伴侣正在经历什么。
相反，使用验证他们感受的语言。如果您这样做，您的伴侣会感到受到支持和理解，这本身可以帮助他们前进。
杰森·布里克（Jason Brick）是一位自由作家和记者，在健康和保健行业十多年后从事这一职业。当不写作时，他做饭，练习武术，破坏他的妻子和两个好儿子。他住在俄勒冈州。