Cancer may change the way you feel about your body and what feels good to you. But with a combination of self-reflection, physical intervention, communication, and patience, you can rebuild your intimacy.
After a breast cancer diagnosis, the last thing you’re likely thinking about is sex. Instead, you’re probably thinking about your treatment costs, upcoming surgery decisions, the cost of battling cancer, and how to manage the side effects of chemotherapy.
For me, painful intercourse, loss of sex drive, and an overall struggle with intimacy were a part of my life both during and after breast cancer. While it can feel embarrassing or even taboo to talk about these issues, I am here to promise you that there’s help available. You’re not alone in these challenges.
Here are six tips for rebuilding intimacy after a breast cancer diagnosis.
Cancer treatment impacts everyone differently. In my case, my ovarian suppression medication and long-term hormone blocking therapy had the biggest impacts on my sexuality.
Both drugs work to shut down ovarian and estrogen production, which can lead to medical menopause. With medical menopause come side effects such as vaginal dryness, painful intercourse, and a lack of sex drive.
Many times we blame ourselves for challenges related to intimacy and sexuality, but that is just not fair. It’s important to get to the root of the challenges in order to identify resources and interventions to help rebuild intimacy and improve our sexual health.
I found it extremely helpful to understand the science behind the hormonal changes happening to my body so I could shift the blame from myself to the medication. Once the blame was external, I felt more empowered to find solutions.
Many oncologists aren’t trained on how to identify or treat the sexual side effects of cancer treatment, but there are amazing survivor communities and sexual health advocates ready to help. While your oncologist may not be an expert in this area, they can serve as a bridge.
您有权提出您的性健康和亲密关系并要求支持。是的，它可能是尴尬的，但你不必单独经历这一点。首先提出与您的初级保健医生或肿瘤科学家的疑虑。要求转诊到妇科疼痛或盆底专家。
I brought up my concerns to my oncologist shortly after chemotherapy and she was able to refer me to a gynecological specialist. The specialist addressed my vaginal pain and dryness by recommending the use of dilators, topical lidocaine, lube, and daily moisturizing (liquid vitamin E oil is my favorite). I also started using a lubricating gel insert before intercourse and it has been life-changing.
Many breast cancer survivors also find pelvic floor therapy to be helpful for addressing pain, which can lead to improved intimacy. Some insurance providers will cover pelvic floor therapy, so it’s a great place to start when looking for a referral. For those that need more vaginal pain relief, some oncologists may prescribe estrogen creams or recommend laser treatment.
请记住，每个人的经历都不同。您将与您的提供商合作，找到满足您的特定物理需求的资源和干预措施。身体疼痛是重建亲密关系的第一个遍历。
Beyond the physical side effects of cancer, your diagnosis and treatment can have a huge impact on your body image. This can then impact your ability to be intimate with your partner or with yourself. Add in the lack of sex drive and the problem can feel insurmountable.
那么，你如何满足治疗的精神方面？致力于重建你的自信和增加自爱的习惯是必不可少的。
I’ve discovered several resources that have helped me. The book, “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook,” by Kristin Neff, PhD, provides a mindful self-compassion overview and takes you through journaling exercises to shift your mindset and thinking to be more compassionate.
I also love theRosy app解决性欲减少。该应用内的“繁荣期间和癌症期间的癌症”模块对幸存者特别有用，并帮助我解压缩我亲密愈合的心理方面。我也发现资源是我丈夫甚至我的护理团队的伟大的对话初学者。
它还可以与治疗师的工作很有帮助unpack the impact cancer has had on your body image and relationships. Working with an individual therapist as well as a couples therapist has been a great combination to help me accelerate the healing process.
Your body has changed due to cancer. The physical and hormonal changes can change what feels good to you.
What causes arousal and what makes you feel nurtured and safe may be different now. Take some time to get to know yourself again. This can be through self-exploration, hot yoga, long baths, massage, or anything else that helps you reconnect with your body. It’s normal to feel betrayed by your body and angry that cancer stole parts of your intimacy.
Take this shift as a chance to find new avenues of pleasure either alone or with a partner. Try things like sex toys, role playing, or intimate massage that you may not have tried before. If you’ve lost sensation in your nipples due to a mastectomy, acknowledge that grief and then open the door to finding enjoyment in new ways.
When we’re hurting, it can be easy to shut off. We avoid being intimate to avoid both physical and emotional pain. But the longer we put it off, the larger the problem can become physically and within our relationship.
Try talking to your partner about the challenges you face. Ideally, find a time to talk when there is no pressure or expectation to be intimate. While it may be uncomfortable at first, communication is so important.
Your partner should support you with the management of other side effects. This is no different. Starting with facts can be a great way to open the door to new topics. From there, you can slowly get more intimate with the discussion.
当您尝试新的干预措施和策略时，沟通将帮助您保持与您的伴侣联系。尝试通过一起学习来接近这个过程。我们的合作伙伴与我们一起治愈，可能无法肯定如何提供帮助。他们可能不想伤害我们，或者可能不确定我们如何与对我们身体的变化亲密的。与你的伴侣讨论这一点，它会把你带到一起。
Not in a relationship? Take time to have a conversation and reflect with yourself. Having an intimate relationship with yourself is extremely important and one you deserve before you begin an intimate relationship with someone else.
You didn’t heal overnight from your breast cancer treatment and rebuilding intimacy won’t happen overnight either. Show yourself grace as you navigate this process.
As you slowly move from reflection, to physical interventions, and then emotional hurdles, remember that you’re making progress just by deciding to make your sexual health and intimacy a priority. Show yourself the same kindness that you would show to your closest friend.
If you’re struggling with sex and intimacy after cancer, know you’re not alone. Don’t give up on yourself. With a combination of reflection, physical intervention, communication, and patience, you can rebuild intimacy and have a fulfilling sexual life after cancer.
I have walked this path and still face it every day. We are in this together and deserve more.
Anna Crollman is a style enthusiast, lifestyle blogger, and breast cancer thriver. She shares her story and a message of self-love and wellness throughher blogandsocial media, inspiring women around the globe to thrive in the face of adversity with strength, self-confidence, and style.